The plan for Elsa, Louisa, Ethel and Paris

Tomorrow is the New Year. Or rather, tomorrow is the last day of the old one. And although this might traditionally be a time to look back, I will do none of the sort. My gaze is firmly set to the future. Of late I have thought a lot about this Satan fellow. I am no philosopher, but my ponderings have nonetheless reached considerable depth on the subject. I have learned of Anamalech; the demon of bad news, Arachula; the evil spirit in the air, Behemoth; the demon of animal strength, and many more. A movie from 1972 called “Night of the Lepus” even asserts that rabbits somehow possess a propensity for evil. Perhaps all of this is true, perhaps nothing. Maybe we will never know. To be on the safe side of safe, I have taken it upon myself to perform good works. I will try to stave off the powers of evil this way. My first deed will take place tomorrow. As the clock strikes midnight, and as the world revels in the blows and cracks of celebratory fire in the sky (what better way to please Satan), I will help Elsa, Louisa, Ethel and Paris to elope and find happiness elsewhere. Our choice of time is one of necessity. Chicken, this is a known fact, are able with extreme effort to fly very short distances. So can Elsa, Louisa, Ethel and Paris. The problem is this; while exercising the superior exertion needed for example to scale the fence that surrounds a coup, chicken cannot but cackle in a loud and widely heard pitch. Their happy escape would thus not last long enough to lay eggs, hatch them and raise offspring. This, of course, is the goal of our endeavor. This will be my gift to them, my deed of defiance toward Asmodeus, the Destroyer. One day to go and we’ve rehearsed to satisfaction. They will fly at midnight tomorrow. They will be free and fulfill their lifelong dream. Godspeed.